Spiraling in circles

FeaturedSpiraling in circles

Who would have thought that even with my love of writing, that I would delay a post for so long. I’ve had ideas, short stories and details about my master’s program, but nevertheless, I fail at writing. I think I made excuses for myself and felt guilty. I had a hole inside me and I couldn’t shake it. Ideas would swirl in my head but here I was, spiraling in circles. I will say that writing just this paragraph has made me feel so much better; like a good therapy session, or better yet, good sex.

Since the last post, I started a master’s program at Ashford University, Education to be exact. In two weeks, I felt like it wasn’t enough. I’m not saying Ashford is a bad university, I loved it as an undergrad. I felt that for my master’s, I needed a bigger and better challenge.

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Prior to starting Ashford, I was in the talks with an enrollment advisor at Western Governor’s University, or WGU. I had a good chance at getting in like most universities, but I had a cultural studies from my undergrad program that couldn’t quite beat what I needed, hence going to Ashford. Within the two weeks at Ashford, I felt that disconnect in a master’s program, so I withdrew and did a little soul searching.

I contacted my advisor, at this point, it had been about 3 months since we chatted last. I sent over a PDF of the course standards of the class I had taken to have it evaluated. After two weeks of impatience, anxiety and a quick phone call, my enrollment advisor congratulated me on getting everything required so that I could begin courses. This was the end of May when we had spoken. So here I was, onto a new adventure and a new challenge.

As of July 1st, I started my Master’s in Teaching English (5-12). I finished four classes in my first term, well, in four months and have had the last two months off. Thankfully. I also have passed all three subtests of my West-B as required for the state of Washington. Ta-da! Now I have Monday to chat with my student mentor and meet with my field specialist and talk about what I can do with my observation teaching. I am hoping to get it done and taken care of so I can dedicate some time to studying.

I also have for my second term: three courses, observation and the NES 301 (English) for the Pedagogy assessment.

The hurdle begins.

Student teaching in the fall.

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Western Governor’s University. Salt Lake City, Utah

It’s been a whirlwind of the last 5 1/2 months in school, but since having some time off from my studies to reflect on who I am as an individual, as a mom, a student, a teacher and a wife, it makes sense that I post this to bear that hard work truly does pay off. After all, being 29 doesn’t mean it’s too late to find something you love, it’s a matter of finding out what you love and going for it.

This time next year, I hope to be certified in the state of Washington, and will have the remainder of the school year to substitute teach in the mean time. I have a long year ahead of me, but it’s worth it.

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Damaged, Broken, Forward I Must Move

FeaturedDamaged, Broken, Forward I Must Move

I feel frazzled and uninspired to write. I feel as if the stress of my life has taken over. I cried for the first time since this “down spiral” began and it didn’t even help. I feel disconnected from the world more often and feel as if I am drowning.

My laundry is piled up, what clean laundry is in the basket refuses to find a drawer all by itself, my t.v. shows have taken a back burner because I feel no enjoyment out of them anymore.

My husband’s job is driving me nuts, keeping me tied at the end of a string. Answers are nearly impossible and not having much information makes me feel like our lives are about to change drastically. We’ve been told the job is his, now he and two others are going for job interviews right around the 23rd. I guess one doesn’t seem like he would be a good candidate because of his lack of will at work, but who knows. Maybe it’s a formality they have to follow and will give him the job at the end of it. It’s the little things that are making me feel like I am way out of orbit, unable to breathe.

A lavender vanilla candle has been my therapy nearly on a day-to-day basis, working as much as I can as an on-call teacher just so I am preoccupied, and afterward, locking myself in my room or hide because I just don’t want to be around people; something that is unusual for me. The smallest things drive me over the edge, I begin to yell and scream, my patience has been worn thin, my heart on my sleeve, I feel battered and bruised emotionally, even physically drained.

I want answers.

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I feel like writing is doing something, but with my lack of feeling, my passion for life and writing has been lackluster, almost none existent these last couple of weeks. I feel broken.

How do you pick up the pieces?

Wishing to fast-forward isn’t doing much of anything, but cleaning like a fiend helps, taking all things that feel toxic in my life, unused and taking up space now live in a closet until spring when I can sell them so others can be happy.

Snuggling with Squirt momma, my fat cat who thinks she is deprived of attention, lays next to me, purring. My kids are downstairs in awe that my youngest lost his front tooth. Where it’s at, we’re not sure. Dear John is on E! via my laptop plugged to an HDMI to the TV in my upstairs bedroom, but I think my graphics card has had its last breath to considering it plays a movie or show for a few minutes then freezes. I can’t bare paying for a cable box upstairs when I have other means to watch TV. It seems Netflix on Playstation is where it’s at for now, but brings contentment.

In other news, I am slowly conquering Beautiful Choas, the third book in the Beautiful Creatures series. I read the first two and didn’t love them, but felt incomplete not reading the other two. So I picked up book three. I read it when I have planning periods or time in between to relax and destress. It’s good don’t get me wrong, but just not sure it’s a book for me. I will more than likely finish the last book when I am done so it will be out of my way. The next series in line I will read is The Alchemyst by Michael Scott, or I will finish Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. Goodreads. Find me, add me and let’s read together!

College also seems daunting, like a foreign country to me. I know the idea of college will help my career in the long run, but deep down, without guidance and answers, I feel as if I need to stop pushing forward. I know this is something that I want, but until things fix themselves, or we make our life elsewhere, I feel as if it is not necessary. I’m scared of what the future holds, and I only hope I will get answers soon.

Empty. Broken. I will fix the pieces and try to remain positive. Onward.

Educational Journey for a Master’s Degree

Educational Journey for a Master’s Degree

Earlier in the year, I announced that I would be going back for my master’s degree. Yes, I am! The feelings that are rushing through are excited, scared, nervous, and anxious. I know it will only widen my door so that I can teach since that is what I seem to love doing lately.

As of right now, I can teach in a community college setting, which is also something I am working on locally. But I am teaching, on-call, for the school district. I have found that I love the older kids, I love being able to converse with them on a deeper level in hopes that they will catch my disease for education and go on to do something great with their lives.

I have got quite a list on my hands for enrollment.

  • Application
  • Transcript release request form
  • Unofficial transcripts
  • Statement of Purpose (200-500 words)
  • Writing Sample (3 pages)
  • $40 application fee

And yet, I still have to apply for financial aid, and I need to file taxes for the year. Because I am attending the 2017-2018 school year, I need to file my 2016 taxes. I have yet to receive the last one.

But there is one more thing holding me back, and it’s big.

My husband is not yet full time. We are still awaiting for the official job posting so that we can get his name in. I would feel so much better about attending grad school if he was a full-time employee. My dream for graduate school is being put on the back burner just a little bit longer, but I still plan on starting April 3rd, 2017.

Perhaps I am nervous, or maybe I am just a worry wart thinking the worst can happen. Either way, I want to get this far in my career and that one last hurdle of the year is right there. If my husband can just get the full-time job at his work, we would be comfortable, and it would make this transition in life so much easier.

 

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 Courtesy of American University Connect

 

But, when I plan to start, I will be working endlessly on my MA in English/Creative Writing – Fiction. Eighteen months of online education and an endless workload, I promised my husband I would work at least part time while pursuing my dream of a master’s. So it will be done. Further in depth, the courses being 18 months long, will be two courses at a time, for the duration of about 10 weeks with a short break in between the courses. My plan is to add a third course a couple of occasions and finish in a year, but that may also be dragging it out just a little.

The actual classes I will have the liberty of choosing from are here. I am so excited to take classes I am actually interested in, and the ability to online teach with one of the courses added to my resume, that is beyond exciting for me.

I had a fantastic time at Ashford, and I have a feeling that SNHU will also be that same way as I am already experiencing with my academic advisor. My advisor isn’t pushy, doesn’t call me fifteen times, but rather sends me a weekly email to see how things are doing, and perhaps a phone call to see if I have any questions.

Send good vibes, well wishes and such. I am hoping this one thing will go our way and things won’t turn out to be a trick. Otherwise, consequences will be dire and could make big changes.

 

Lead image courtesy of https://entrepreneurthearts.files.wordpress.com

Small Hurdles Equal Bigger Mountains

FeaturedSmall Hurdles Equal Bigger Mountains

 

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Faiths Messenger (dot com)

 

I am writing this out of pure boredom honestly, but I am trying to process the highs and the lows thus far. Perhaps the laziness of the day is trying to keep me productive, but then again, I haven’t done nothing more than make a pot of coffee. Eager to get through this month, eager to get back on my feet, I am mostly optimistic, but there is that small sliver in me that begs to differ. What will happen?

I think the biggest thing that comes to my mind is the taste of success, the taste of dreams coming true and being financially stable. I finally am now working part time as a substitute for the school district, which is great! The only down fall is my first check is weeks away.

My husband is on the verge of full-time employment as well. He has been with his work one year today, which is amazing! But there has been a bit of a hill, a low blow and now we are creeping back up a hill.

Long story short, someone is going to part time, meaning his full-time job opened up to the other staff. The one guy that took the posting was someone who always talked smack, never acted on what he said and when the job was so close to being my husband’s, he took the job. Now we have to wait another week for the pool to close for the other full-time employees. Who’s to say it won’t happen again? It could but I hope nothing goes against us.

The other workers understand our situation and seem to wholeheartedly want my husband as a full-time employee so one can hope that it goes our way.

 

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Courtesy of First4adventure.co.uk

 

In other news, I have officially put myself on the radar for the MA program through Southern New Hampshire University. Enrolling may take a short while since I only requested information yesterday (Friday 13th). I know there is an enrollment fee and quite frankly, it is the least of my worries. When our priorities are set and we have wiggle room financially, I will be making way and making my last educational adventure.

I have to remind myself that this is one small hurdle as we travel to something much bigger. January is just the beginning of the year so by the end of this month, I pray that things will be smooth sailing.

 

 

Ringing in the New Year Writing

FeaturedRinging in the New Year Writing

Much of this year has been a huge testament to my faith, sending me through an emotional spiral of good and bad. It has been one hell of a roller coaster and I am getting sick. I am ready to stop, get the fuck off and begin a new endeavor.

2017 is going to be my year. I can feel it!

Academically, I believe that I could be achieving my masters degree that I have long since wanted. Go me! I will be enrolling sometime in January, hopefully if all goes in my favor.

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Professionally this will lead to other roads, such as teaching, which I think was something that I was meant to do. Many don’t know, but I did substitute teach for the school district middle of the year, just as school was getting out. In June of 2016, I taught 2nd, 3rd and 6th grade. All of which were a learning experience. I think that if I stick to it, many of the classes will know that I take my job seriously. I was lucky enough to have those few teachers who were passionate about what they did that it resonated with me. Here I am now, at the brink of 2017, ready to share my love of education with others.

Long story short, I have had a hard time with my work life this last year. I had found full time work in August, but to only get terminated a few months later. Now, I am going to back to subbing and I couldn’t be any more excited.

I have also applied for a teaching position for an English teacher at the college level. Here in Washington state, because I only have a Bachelor’s, I am only limited to English 100 and below, which is perfectly fine with me since I am getting started in my academic career, but I feel like I am paving that path that I need to be on.

This is where that lovely master’s degree will come in. I would love to teach more advanced classes, above 100 level, or even courses from Ashford University where I pursued my undergraduate degrees, or the future location of my graduate studies, Southern New Hampshire University! Only time will tell, and how hard I work for it.

I will be posting a story on that decision later on including the degree of choice, but as you can see, I am a HUGE advocate for online education. Never would be possible in my life to travel to a campus several nights a week, but some people make it work. I applaud them.

Back to the New Year.

Personally, I want to expand my horizons and become more well-rounded. Setting goals in my academic career and professional career are important. But I think that if I make a personal goal to write more, to read more in my personal time, I think it will help. Writing has been such an integral part of my life since I can remember, so it makes sense to push and not give up. To expand my horizons and read something that I never thought I would read. Maybe pick up a historical fiction now and then, a murder mystery or some off the wall Stephen King horror. I stick to the same romance or young adult fantasy, which are great, but expand in more than one way.

So cheers lovelies, here is to MY year. A year that I will make mine after all the torture, the pain and disappointment 2016 has brought. I will have to work for it, but I know it will be in my favor. May 2017 forever be in your favor!

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Seattle New Year 2016, Courtesy of CBS Seattle